I was writing a book – way back 3 months ago. [A book I will likely continue to write when my life allows for a little more breathing room.]
A huge portion of it was about living life with Jesus as our ultimate life-Source. How living like that is the only way to REALLY live. To be alive on the inside, where it counts.
Yeah. Then, along came this incredible baby girl. Praise GOD.
And along with her, the stretching and testing of my heart in everything I preach.
The other morning I found myself asking Stan to hang with the kids so I could get 15 minutes more sleep. 15 minutes. Really Dana? In that moment I felt desperate for it. Like 15 minutes would make all the difference in how I’d feel for the rest of the day.
Laughable, isn’t it?
I was looking to sleep as my source in that moment. Not to the Lord. Trusting in sleep to give me what I needed.
I can quickly fall into looking elsewhere for life if my heart’s not turned toward Jesus as my ultimate Source. I feel desperate for sleep. Desperate for a break. Desperate for a few minutes to myself.
Mental note: if I feel “desperate” for anything that’s not the Lord? WRONG LIFE SOURCE.
Prime example right here:
Right after I wrote this post about how the Lord was moving us out of our neighborhood? How He was lifting the grace He’d previously given us to live in the inner city?
An email came through from our Realtor-friend.
I ran a report for you after entering improvements. Everything I have thus far is not particularly encouraging… property values in your neighborhood dropped in value 41.98% in past 12 months, which is ridiculously high, but is what an appraiser would see.
We are still in process of discussing all of this and things might not be as bad as they look. BUT. This is a little scary and it looks like we might not be able to put our house on the market after all.
Goodness gracious. 41 per cent.
Now. Can God do a miracle and cause our house to appraise much closer to what we paid for it?
Can He bring the right buyer for this house and move us to a new location and provide the perfect home for our family? And can He do it soon?
BUT, this news forced me to slow down. To reevaluate the condition of my heart around this whole moving thing. I don’t want to be in this neighborhood another year. I don’t want to invest more in this home only to try and sell it in the spring. I want to sell it NOW-ish.
Maybe it’s not about what I want though.
God might be asking me to surrender.
Because when the testing comes, is my heart really turned toward Him as my Source of life? Of peace? Of joy? Or am I looking to the next season instead? To moving out of this neighborhood? To having a home that’s maybe 10 – 20 years old instead of 120?
Ugh. I got to the point where I knew I needed to surrender.
Jesus, You’re my Source. Not a new neighborhood. Not a new(er) home. Not a laundry room on the main floor or a fenced in back yard.
If I can’t maintain a peaceful heart even in this season of limbo, of not knowing – then my heart obviously isn’t looking to Him as my Source.
You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. ~Isaiah 26:3
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