Day 16: Can I Make a Confession?
There’s this fear that’s cropped up in my heart in the last few days.
I share my music publicly (albeit totally raw) for what’s really the first time ever, and the response all at once blesses me and frightens me.
I’m so thankful Jesus has touched hearts through my small offering… but what if that’s all I’ve got? What if I run out of new ideas?
What if my internal creative river runs dry?
Those are the questions churning beneath my heart’s surface last night as I make dinner, chat with my family, load the dishwasher, clean up a zillion crumbs.
Before I leave the house to run errands, I dig out my old iPhone and charge it for a few minutes. Then I take it with me in the car, and I spend my drive to Target and Whole Foods listening to old voice notes, still buried in my former phone.
Six, seven, eight months ago, I spent many hours during my kids’ naps (which were longer then) just sitting before the Lord, guitar in hand. I’d strum and play and spontaneously sing my heart to Him.
And sometimes, I’d hit that little record button on my phone while I poured out my heart. So last night while I listened to some of those spontaneous songs, I realized — there is a rich pool of creativity here. Of anointing and ideas for the crafting of new music.
Gosh. Even saying that in this space freaks me out, you guys, because I’m so afraid I won’t be able to continue to write songs now that I’ve “come out” to you here.
In one of those spontaneous worship sessions in my old voice notes, I sang for 12 minutes straight around the idea of these internal rivers of creativity and power — rivers of Him on my insides, flowing from me.
The water is alive, I sang, over and over, and daggum it, I believe that, y’all.
I believe that rivers of living water will flow from my inmost being. (John 7:38)
And despite the fear, faith is rising inside me. Faith that my Creator is my ultimate creative Source. That He who’s begun a good work in me will complete it. That as I create unto Him, my art is worship. That it glorifies Him. That it delights His heart.
This morning I wake up and get back into the rhythm of spilling my heart into a notebook at the start of my day. Then, picking up my phone, I open my Bible app, and y’all, You Version’s “verse of the day” today?
It’s John 7:38:
“Whoever believes in me, as scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within Him.”
Seriously? Jesus, really!?
Sometimes He speaks and it’s straight up unmistakable. This is one of those times.
“Step out, Dana. Move forward in faith, hand-in-hand with Me. I’m leading. I’m opening and closing doors. I’m trustworthy. I’m your Source. From me and through me and back to me are all things.”
Including, and especially, these creative rivers.
So. I’m still a little afraid, to be honest. But I’m saying yes to Him. Moving forward in creative partnership with the Ultimate Creator.
Gulp. Here we go.
This is Day 16 of a 31-day series. You can find the rest of the series here.
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